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Jake Alberts
Real Name:Jake Alberts
Occupation:Dishwasher, taxi driver, grave digger; later the late-night talk show host of The Jake Alberts Show
Base of Operations:Grafton & Milford, Massachusetts; later in Burbank, California
Marital Status:Available
Height:5' 7"
Weight:135 lbs
Eyes:Brown
Hair:Black
Special Skills:Excellent brawler and street fighter; has various contacts and acquaintances within the criminal underworld
First Appearance:(historical) Running on Empty #23 (Feb 2003), (current version) Running on Empty #60 (Mar 2006)
Jake is a chain-smoking sex addict who doesn’t get laid. His pent-up frustration leads to brawling and unnecessarily extreme violence. Jake works crap jobs and winds up blowing his money on lap dances and hookers. He makes extra income through various side-projects and endeavors, the majority of which are illegal. His consistent lapse in moral standing, in addition to his reckless behavior, is symptomatic of his Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Jake is thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of love is an elaborate public relations campaign designed to sustain the world economy. Consequently, he has little to no interest in romantic relationships, and is devoted only to the physical aspects of love.
Jake thinks only after he acts, if ever. He is only functional when drunk, and becomes an incoherent mess when either sober or blacked-out. As a result, he is usually consuming some form of hard liquor at any given time. This is, as he calls it, “drinking with a purpose.”
Ten years after the events of Running on Empty, Jake has amassed a large number of enemies in the criminal underworld. He has also gained the unfavorable attention of the FCC as a result of his highly offensive but very popular late night talk show. And as Jake’s nationwide popularity soars, his personal life becomes more and more destructive, especially now that he has lost the friends that once kept him grounded.
Jake Alberts is ™ and © 2003 Daniel Beadle. All Rights Reserved.
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